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Communicating with your ex during and after divorce

On Behalf of | Oct 20, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law |

Divorce often involves many painful and complex emotions that may take you a long time to process. When you are trying to get over someone, sometimes the last thing you want to do is talk with them.

However, having no contact with your ex when you are divorcing is usually impossible, especially if you share children together. Even without children, the divorce process necessarily requires you to communicate about different issues, such as property division.

Knowing that you will need to communicate with your ex during and potentially after your divorce, here are some tips to keep in mind.

Divorce often involves many painful and complex emotions that may take you a long time to process. When you are trying to get over someone, sometimes the last thing you want to do is talk with them.

However, having no contact with your ex when you are divorcing is usually impossible, especially if you share children together. Even without children, the divorce process necessarily requires you to communicate about different issues, such as property division.

Knowing that you will need to communicate with your ex during and potentially after your divorce, here are some tips to keep in mind.

Focus on the problem you must solve

As difficult as it may be, try to keep emotions out of your conversations. Think of your relationship as having changed from a romantic relationship to a business relationship.

Be respectful and polite to your ex, no matter how hard it might be. Keep conversations direct and brief, only addressing the topic at hand.

If your ex becomes angry or starts bringing up old relationship issues, politely end the conversation. Tell them you are willing to talk again when they are ready to address the issue.

Keep children out of your conversations

Good communication is especially important when you have children. Do not put the children in the middle of your conflicts or use them as third parties for communication purposes.

Remember to focus your communication on problem solving and not problem creating. Children who see their parents communicating in a healthy manner are more likely to model the behavior themselves.

This does not mean that you should ignore or “get over” any negative feelings you have about the relationship. Consider talking with a therapist or counselor about those feelings. This will help you have more focused and healthy conversations with your ex.

 

As difficult as it may be, try to keep emotions out of your conversations. Think of your relationship as having changed from a romantic relationship to a business relationship.

Be respectful and polite to your ex, no matter how hard it might be. Keep conversations direct and brief, only addressing the topic at hand.

If your ex becomes angry or starts bringing up old relationship issues, politely end the conversation. Tell them you are willing to talk again when they are ready to address the issue.

Keep children out of your conversations

Good communication is especially important when you have children. Do not put the children in the middle of your conflicts or use them as third parties for communication purposes.

Remember to focus your communication on problem solving and not problem creating. Children who see their parents communicating in a healthy manner are more likely to model the behavior themselves.

This does not mean that you should ignore or “get over” any negative feelings you have about the relationship. Consider talking with a therapist or counselor about those feelings. This will help you have more focused and healthy conversations with your ex.